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Thanks to everyone who emailed and left comments after my last post. My depression is cyclical and linked to my menstrual cycle. Right now I am feeling okay again - it’s the constant ups and downs that get to me. I am going to go back to my doctor to see what else I can be doing. I know I can work on my diet and exercise so I am going to behave better there! I am going to try hard to update this blog more too - both for you and for me. I have always liked borders on photos but I get a bit lazy. See how long this lasts!

Anyway here are some bags that I recently made for an order:

Here are some more bags, WIP - love the getas fabric. It looks so good with the pink:

I have been tidying up again - it never ends! Creative mind - messy desk or something like that I suppose! I am determined to keep my papercrafting on one desk and my sewing on the other so that I don’t have to keep moving WIPs all around the place.

Notice the little area of green mat in the front of the photo? That is my total work area - the rest of the desk is taken up with STUFF. Oh and the little kraft (Maya Road) binders are going to be photo presents for someone special for Christmas. If you have very sharp eyes and notice the stack of matchboxes - hopefully they will end up as a Christmas Countdown calendar within the next week:

I have been waiting for these to come out in Australia for ages and I found a US eBay seller who had them last week - brand new Doodle Genies from Chatterbox. I got the Whimsical, Breezy and Twitterpated and they arrived this morning.

Do I have the very first ones in the country???

And finally, Paul bashed a hole in the wall yesterday. No, he wasn’t being a crazy person:

I can’t wait! It’s gonna be another long hot summer.

No editing.  Just tumbling out of my brain.  The brain that is really letting me down.  I am really ANGRY right now because I keep having to deal with depressive episodes.  I WANT to do things and make things and put all my plans into ACTION but the unbalanced chemicals in my brain (apparently) say “no don’t bother, just sit around moping and doing nothing.  in fact, why don’t you go and have a little lie down - it doesn’t matter if it’s a lovely day outside, you are tired and bored/boring so you can pass some time by sleeping all day - at least until the kids get home from school, then you have to get your shit together again” 

Not to mention the guilt that then kicks in - guilt about putting Emma in front of yet another DVD rather than doing something with her, guilt about all the projects I really want to be getting on with, guilt about all the supplies I keep amassing, guilt about client orders I am supposed to be working on, and on and on it goes.

I am so angry because I feel like my life is passing me by and the years keep on rolling and yet here I am AGAIN, at the end of another year, still regularly feeling depressed and demotivated.  I feel really ripped off - I want to reach my potential, to see what I can do with this business and with my creativity, but I keep missing the boat through lack of GET UP AND GO. 

Yes I am on anti-depressants and luckily they at least take away the really nasty stuff, like bad thoughts, and let me get on with doing what I need to do (like being a good mum) but I still get left with a massive dose of down-heartedness, self-doubt, demotivation and more.

I don’t talk about this much on this blog.  Usually the times when I don’t blog are very often the times that I am tangled up in guilt, lacklustre-ness and depression.  I self-edit, thinking that I should just keep quiet (blog-wise) unless I have something to show, but one of the worst symptoms of this thing is that when I am under it’s spell, I just CAN’T seem to get off my arse and make stuff.  Or if I do, it’s under a lot of duress and requires a hell of a lot of talking myself into it, which then wears me out mentally.  I know if I could just get lost in creating things (scrapping, sewing, art, whatever) I will love it and it will lift my mood - even if it’s only while I am submerged in the process - but I so often can’t seem to get there.

It really annoys me that some other people who have troubles with depression or anxiety or related problems still seem to be able to create and blog in the midst of it all while I can’t seem to.  Anyway, I guess I have blogged about it right now. 

Hopefully, normal crafting will re-commence soon.  

 

sewing and dancing - but not at the same time.

I am off to Melbourne tomorrow to see my super super best best friend Yvette and I am extremely excited! She has recently got herself a blog so I can even link to her - three times even! She hasn’t got a digital camera yet but she can borrow mine on the weekend to get some good pics into her blog.

I recently did some artwork for some promo CDs for her fiance Dan and to thank me they very kindly bought me tickets to Sasha and Digweed! I don’t get out much these days but when I do, I make the most of it! I can’t wait.

Anyway this resulted in the familiar “what will I wear” question so I decided to get sewing and first made a pair of wide-legged pants:

and then a top to go with them, but it ended up that they didn’t work together, so I will wear the new top with the old pants in this pic:

I am quite happy with this top - it should keep me very cool. The photos aren’t that flattering but it took a long time and a lot of fiddling with the camera’s self-timer to get these shots. Here is the pattern I used:

I was going to use the New Look and make the top in the photo, but then I found the Burda pattern and it showed women with much bigger boobs which made me identify more with it, so I ended up making the Burda. It was very quick and easy. Here is the back of the top:

And just because, here is me in jeans and a t-shirt, where I am looking a bit less wide… I think!

Yes I have had all my long hair chopped off - much better!

Jack (who is 5) was really proud of himself for making this all by himself. He then convinced me to let him take his own photos of his creation. He is growing up and wanting to do everything himself these days!

He loved the reflection and he knew that you need an interesting background so he chose this cushion and styled the photo himself!

Then he wanted a shot of what he had made together with the box - just to show that he had got it right when making it! Then he wanted it to go onto the internet… so here it is!  Go Jackie-boy!